[x]

Hot ChocolateCindy sits down opposite him, hiding her shaking hands under the table. She can't remember when she had last been so nervous, but she knows a thousand things could go wrong here and now.
The man she is meeting for the first time today smiles at her over the table and she feels herself fall in love with his dimples already.
“Cindy,” he says, his voice soft and steady. “Good to finally meet you.”
She blushes slightly and fights to return his smile. “Nice to meet you, too, Dan.”
'Concentrate!' she shouts at herself silently, knowing her problem staying focused. It would be too shameful not remembering anyt

Winter Child: Prologue"I'll take it down." Kendall fidgeted in the chair at the base of Ivory's bed. His eyes kept darting around the cramped, hidden attic, which was unusually small compared to the rest of her luxurious home.

Barely having the energy to hold her baby tighter, Ivory's bleary eyes were rimmed in dark shadows and her cheeks thickened with shadows."Her," she snapped, looking up at the newborn girl's father. Her voice trembled as she asked, "Take her where?"

He sighed, the deep lines in his forehead only momentarily smoothing out. "You know where," he said gently. "Now, come on. We've been through this before. There's nothing else we can do."

Sh

Paint the Sky Do you know the world is made of colors? They say the sky is an illusion: it looks like an expanse hovering about our world, but it's really air, or maybe lack thereof. But that's only what they say. I know they're wrong. The sky is an expanse of glorious blue, with faded smudges of white rubbed in by the rough, worn finger of – whom?

The pencil feels good in my hand – firm, solid, steady. It would never stray from the deliberate path I set out for it. I guide it across the sketchbook page, and a strong bold line results, streaking across. Satisfied, I place the pencil down on the grass, and pick up a pastel.

It's small, almost

Words are the Killersdrowning

the sun's been cast and the die
is rolling, tarnished sweet surfaces
of love strolling, 'long the rough-hewn
board-walk of life

i'm drowning

ice cream cones and laughter, friends
and the smell of healthy sunshine,
water lapping at your toes and such
perfection

i'm drowning and i can't

look at the beautiful shells and
pick some up, no one will miss them,
put them in your red plastic bucket,
no one will care

i'm drowning and i can't breathe,
please save

giggle at the guys as they walk by,
and know that you'll never make the
catch - but hey, what's to stop from
hoping?

i'm drowning and i can't breathe,
please save

A Murderer's Apology After everything that's happened, I suppose I owe you an apology. You were happy, successful, beautiful...and yet, at the same time, you were tormented. I could see it in your face, your eyes – it was so evident, I couldn't believe no one else realized it. Your lips, brushed with a subtle shade of lipstick, formed a carefree smile, or so it would seem, but I could tell it was really a grimace. A grimace of pain, perhaps? Or anguish? Inside, were you screaming with agony, but everyone around you simply nodded and smiled?

I know that feeling. I too, was once like you. Oh, you may not believe me, looking at me now, or then as well. I, th

Mirrors
And the soul lying beyond those shades,
The glittering sparkles, and the waves,
In those particles lies your strength,
Behind this weary off-white silk,
And veils shadow your features grey,

When those tears appear as blades,
And green minds shadowed in raves,
In this whisky lies your strength,
With every sip you love to drink,
And memories clarify events more,

Can you wake up before you fade,
Before your soul is totally raid,
Regretting and whisky are human's filth,
Wake up!
You're losing more with every blink, and -
In those tears you drop, you will drown,

---

And when you wake up, tell me

Darkest FantasyYou hid behind a wall of bones - jagged pale promises
unkept, and filthy secrets so unswept, as you -
but I knew you were there, bejeweled daggers of
idiocy slicing through and 'tween your knuckles
I saw beneath the ugly lines of black on your face
of ink that's never gone and salt that never always
stings

'You can not know what there is to know, your meager
rings of youth,' you said. 'You try to not try to lie to not
lie.'

Your lips, so cracked and barren, never parted to let
your rows of tiny perfect teeth be exposed to the
bleaching, leeching light or the mag-worms-mag-gots
dark

But when they did a nightmare slipped out, flo

Wladek finds an Apple.

It's half past nine-
you notice and hurry along
that beaten path that thousands,
just moments ago, were scurrying on.

'Thirty minutes. Yes, you are
thirty minutes past the curfew,'
you remind yourself and
you break into intermittent runs.

And as you plod along
you see, you notice-
that very same spot where
the nice old Mrs. Henryk died.

That meagre portion of a loaf
and an apple you hold
close to your body; now reminded
of how it was that she'd died.

'Einer einzigen datei.
Ein laib brot und ein apfel,
eine famille. Nicht weniger, nicht mehr.'
the fat balding man had said.

On the sleeve of his left hand
he wore proudly- th

how the vines go limpred is the color of dreams lost in the moonlight nothing, of the desperate songs of broken birds and the sweet screams of madness. it's the lurking color beneath the cloud - cloud of soft, so soft, hopes - she sits upon. her glorious white wings [all the colors of white] beat in the air [destroy the air] and she laughs in the way No One does.

but as she sits and as she laughs, the vines - such rusty vines - are creeping, creeping, creeping. they slither up the sides, the tips of their tendrils twitching [crying], but still she doesn't see [the tears roll down the lovely hills] and her beautiful pale flesh is exposed [and dry up in the dam.]

My EpilepsyI walk through my day to day life, enjoying my moment, I find myself confussed, looking for something to give me a hold on time and space for I feel something is stirring... I bite back the overwhelming panic that fills me from stem to stern, as the unknown Stress is coming again, welling up like a storm raging through the sea of emotions that is now my thoughts. The colored lights flicker about, bringing with them the squinting eyes as though I looked to long at the suns glory, I try to grab on to something as the world's gravity shifts like sands pulling & pushing me side to side, wanting me to embrace the ground. Darkness comes for me, I l

The Demon Within, Waiting...I can hear it. It's scrabbling again.

I can feel it clawing at the very edge of my sanity with talons like jackknives and teeth like razors, trying to find any inkling of purchase in the soft, sweet flesh of my insides.

That's where it likes to live, likes to grow. Likes to feed and sit and wait for the right moment to stir, to attack. To sink its fangs into my once innocent flesh and watch me writhe in pain with malevolent eyes. It enjoys that. It enjoys that far too much. Sadistic thing that it is.

The doctors took most of it out. Or at least they thought they did. Removed a length of corrupted, sick intestine in an effort to remove it,

3, 3, 3.a.) shoot. i touched the door-post in the wrong way as i walked pass it. (tap, tap, tap.)
i've got to go back and undo it. wrong again. no biggie, i'll just do it 'once more'.

sliding back and forth until my head lets me go.

b.) i only threw two pieces of clothing in the laundry basket tonight. i'm in trouble now.
(tap, tap, tap. knocking on wood is good for the soul.)

three is good, nothing wrong with three. three, three, three. it's all going to be okay now.

c.) place my finger upon the table, no that didn't feel too good, do it again, again, again.
add one, lose one; tick, tick, tick, this game never stops.

i'll just tap, tap, t

InsaneTentatively
I had gazed out
from that summit

When the fog cleared
I had started to see
something so beautiful
a beacon shown
Delusion most probably
impossible beauty, surely?

Insane
How quickly the light can go.

Killer Called HIV-AIDSIn my heart I ask Lord above, please tell me when
Will the promises of a better life be fulfilled
Who finds happiness, then falls in love?
Who becomes infected with the murderous HIV/AIDS
And why are others so lucky to be the ones it passes?
Why do those people get it and others don't?
Why are the infected condemned to die early,
when those who aren't have long lives?

Children all over the world molested and raped
Becoming infected with HIV/AIDS, and affected
By the murderous disease living in their cells
Dancing with joy for achieving another spirit.

Individuals in a "committed relationship"
becoming infected and affected with H

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Disease does not own me.

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The Suicide Disease

by `lost-angle, Jan 23, 2010, 12:01:25 PM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Flash Fiction & Vignettes

Sometimes I wish the rash had come. It would have gone, and maybe, just maybe, the pain would have too. At least, then, I would have known why. Why it hurts, every day. Why my boyfriend can't hold my head. Why I can't ride my bike anymore, when that used to be my favourite thing. Why I gel my hair away from my cheek. Why I avoid my glasses. Why I don't even go outside for fear of the wind. Instead, it hurts, more every day. The only thing that helps is the drugs. Two pills in the morning. Two at noon. Three in the evening. Plus everything else to keep me healthy, so ten pills in the evening and two puffs on the inhaler. It's not going away. The pain will always be there. So bad sometimes that I pull over and pop a couple Tylenol and wait for the pain to fade to the background so I can see the road again. It gets worse now. With no cure but more pills, it makes more and more sense that others nicknamed it the suicide disease.

The Suicide Diseaseby `lost-angle

Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Flash Fiction & Vignettes

When something happens, without a doubt, I imagine the worse. This is about Trigeminal Neuralgia. I was diagnosed with it a week ago. The rash I mention is Shingles which may yet come (in the next few days).

TN has no known cause and no known cure. TN is pain in the Trigeminal nerve of the face on one or both sides. It has been associated with several other conditions (including celiacs disease which runs in my family). The pain that is associated with TN can be caused by many other things including Shingles. TN gets worse over time to the point where men will refuse to shave and people will refuse to even go outside for fear that the wind will touch their face.

For me, the pain is centered in my eye, center cheek and ear on the right side. I use a blanket as a pillow so I can position it so it only touches my forehead and neck. And my boyfriend's made me cry just by wiping his hand across my face.

EDIT!!
The pain was caused by a combination of a bacterial infection in my sinuses pinching the nerve and my wisdom teeth coming in impacted. I did a course of amoxacillin and the pain almost completely vanished. I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed in March, but until then the pain is off and on and getting worse in my jaw, teeth and a little in my cheek. In other words, I don't have TN, thankfully.

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

sad 1 1

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~Quashii Mar 27, 2010

It's wonderful that your pain is almost fully depleted, and I hope it all goes away.

I've had my pain for at least two years, but for that whole time they said it was my teeth. I had five teeth pulled, and nothing helped. I've been scheduled for an MVD procedure next month, and that's supposed to get rid of my TN.

`lost-angle Mar 27, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

I hope it helps you. I read that TN often gets misdiagnosed for the teeth (I know when my pain was last fading, it started to show in my teeth, which was actually caused by my wisdom teeth pushing in, not the TN). I'm sorry it took so long for you to get diagnosed properly. I also read that quick treatment is more likely to make it go away or fade to a manageable level. I hope it's not too late.

~Quashii Mar 27, 2010

It's just that it's such a rare condition, especially in someone my age. And the pain is so severe, no wonder it's called 'the suicide disease.' Thank you for your sympathy.

`lost-angle Mar 27, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

exactly. I hope the pain gets better for you.

~Quashii Mar 27, 2010

Thanks.
c:

~Quashii Mar 26, 2010

My.

I was just recently diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia, and it really is a terrible thing.
No one else really understands the pain TN brings unless they experience it themselves, y'know?

Even though you don't have it, your situation is very similar, and I am extremely sympathetic and hope your pain completely goes away very soon.

`lost-angle Mar 26, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

It took about a month and a half for the neuralgia I experienced to go away. I kept up with the gabapentin and didn't lapse until I thought the pane had started to fade. Since I had my wisdoms out, I've had pain again, on both sides of my face. My sister and mom thought it might have been muscular. But I took a single gabapentin (from before, I figured it couldn't hurt if that wasn't the problem) and the pain's almost completely gone again.

I feel your pain, and I hope that, like me, your neuralgia will fade away with time, as it does on occasion.

~portheiusJ Feb 19, 2010 Student Artist

I wish I could offer you more comfort than just this, but it will have to do.

`lost-angle Feb 19, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

I should edit the comments... I have 4 impacted wisdom teeth and a bacterial infection that caused the nerve pain... with the bacterial infection taken care of, the pain's almost completely gone. But until I get my wisdom teeth removed, I will have increasing pain in my jaw and teeth >< but don't worry, I'll be fine.

~portheiusJ Feb 19, 2010 Student Artist

Okies.

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